In Luke 9:23, when Jesus Christ says, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me,” is he really saying, “Let me make them feel better about themselves, and let me teach them how to forgive themselves, and let me show them how to follow their heart?” I don’t think so!

God has always been about looking to Him for wisdom, truth, comfort, and correction—not to ourselves. This is evident in the Old and New Testaments. In the Old Testament, Amos addresses a lack of true worship, shown by people not pursuing the Lord with their innermost being but rather looking good in their own eyes (Amos 4). If we constantly look inward and around us, not upward, we judge ourselves by ourselves, which leads to the other sin the Lord addressed through Amos, a lack of justice (Amos 5). Our lack of addressing our own sin and lack of calling out the sins of the people will lead to situations where we don’t stand up for the innocent, like when mothers murder their children. God is the Moral Law Giver, and we are to live according to His laws, not our own. We are not to judge by our feelings, but by truth.

In the New Testament, Jesus said it unapologetically, unmistakably, and inescapably: “Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:24-25). I agree with MacArthur’s book, Hard to Believe, where he writes, “It’s not about exalting me; it’s about slaying me. It’s the death of self. You win by losing; you live by dying. And that is the heart message of the gospel.” [1] Discipleship is living and teaching this truth.

True forgiveness comes from confessing and turning from sin. It doesn’t mean justifying our sin. It doesn’t mean forgiving ourselves. Only One is the Just and Justifier, and only that One can forgive completely, and that One isn’t me or you. So, the next time you hear someone tell you to forgive yourself, remember, you need God’s forgiveness. Yours is incomplete. Only God can make you whole.

It isn’t about self-esteem; it’s about self-denial. It’s about learning from, living through, and following the One who came to set us free.

[1] John MacArthur, Hard to Believe: The High Cost and Infinite Value of Following Jesus (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2003), 5.